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L’étranger
Victor A. GRAUER - Aliens among us
ACT TWO Scene 6
Alien headquarters in mountain cave, as in Scene 3. Agent Orange is
on the floor, chained to the table. He is conscious but looks dazed.
The Alien Chief and his assistants are seated around the board room table,
as before. Alien Chief
This agent’s skills were impressive,
truly. But he was no match for the Ancestors. After our meeting we will
do away with him. Meanwhile let him hear how we are planning the destruction
of his world.
Agent Orange
The Ancestors ? What on Earth are the Ancestors ? What sort of power
do they have over me ? And what was that smoke ? I couldn’t breathe.
Second in Command
The Ancestors were the smoke, my inquisitive friend. You
have already heard far too much. But it is no matter, as you shall not survive
this day. What you saw were ghosts - the spirits of the Ancestors,
the most ancient, primordial Ancestors, from the beginning of life itself,
buried deep deep in the Earth. It is a pure and very powerful energy.
Agent Orange
Energy ? What kind of energy ? I don’t understand.
Alien Chief
You have heard enough. You do not need to understand. Silence !
Pause. Folds his hands. Composes himself. Addresses his companions : Now. Listen carefully, comrades. NBC recently had what was for
me an extremely interesting and provocative segment regarding chemical plants,
especially that one near Chicago. According to the network Web site, plant
security is very very lax and many of the guards have criminal backgrounds,
so we could find at least one we could bribe, no ?
Alien Bureau Chief
Probably so. But I am not sure what would be best. I like the
nuclear power plants. Didn’t you see CNN’s exposé of
security lapses at that plant in New York State ?
Alien Chief
So true, comrade. And even with the best security, according to
the New York Times all it would take would be a small plane filled with high
explosives, aimed right smack at the biggest reactor. Such a plane could
take off from any farmer’s field. By the time it was detected, it
would be too late for them to do anything. As reported in the Pittsburgh
Post-Gazette, a small private plane actually came very close to the Beaver
County nuclear plant and wasn’t even noticed by the authorities.
Alien Bureau Chief
Exactly. And I am now seeing a recent report in the Washington Post
on the lack of any security at all for charter flights. It says “Some aviation
officials and lawmakers are increasingly concerned that terrorists could
charter planes and commandeer them with weapons .
” This is an excellent idea. I had not thought of that one, I must say.
We could charter a plane, kill all the passengers and crew, land it in
some field, fill it with explosives, and fly it into a nuclear plant.
Alien Chief
Excellent. Make it so !
Second-in-Command
Do not be forgetting that extremely interesting program on CBS, where
all sorts of really nifty biological agents were discussed. Their Web
site contains much information. Many very effective ways of disseminating
smallpox are presented, with all the ins and all the outs, the do its and
don’t do its.
Alien Bureau Chief
Actually the most intriguing piece of information was in that program
last night, on Fox, about the nuclear devices in Georgia. The nuclear batteries.
It is claimed these can easily be adapted to produce “dirt bombs” that
could spread radiation with the wind, making life in some major city impossible.
Think what that could mean.
Second in Command
Not “dirt bombs.” “Dirty bombs.” If we constructed one, we could
activate it in Washington. Or New York. On a windy day. That city would
have to be abandoned. For thousands of years, Comrades. They say it would
be dangerous though, to implement such a plan. The radiation would eventually
kill whoever came in contact with it. Only a “suicidal maniac” would take
such a risk.
All laugh heartily. Alien Chief
Of course. That is it. Check their Web site for details on exactly
where these nuclear batteries are to be found. Send martyr squad number
seven to the area at once.
Blackout.
Scene 7
The mountains of Georgia, in the former USSR. A squad of aliens is
busy searching under every single rock. Alien1
Runs up, panting. I have found nothing. Nothing.
Alien2
Runs up beside him, also panting. Me neither also. We been here all day.
Alien1
What’s a guy gotta do to perform a act of martyrdom these days ?
Jeeeezzz !
Alien2
In the old days it was so much easier. Just strap a bomb to your
chest and awaaaaay you go.
Alien3
Offstage. Hang on, hang on. I think I got sometink. [ pause ] No.
No. I got notink. Walks slowly, dejectedly onstage. Nuclear powered batteries. Nuclear powered batteries. These babies
are too small. Zut allors. Like a needle in a haystack is what we’re
looking for.
All three sit down, facing the audience, place their chins in their hands
and stare into space. The lights grow dim. Quickly it becomes dark.
In the distance we see a hazy glow, the size of a nuclear powered battery. Alien1
Gets up. Well, don’t know about you guys, I for one have much hunger.
Where did you put those packets of rice and peanut butter ?
Alien2
Looks around. Oy vay. That’s all we got to eat ? I’m gonna throw
up I really am.
Alien3
Gets up. Looks around. Bends down. Here’s one. [ Holds it up .] Human flesh it’s
not. That’s fer sure. But better than nothing — and you know
what ? I’m sorta developing a taste for that peanut butter. Especially
the chunky. Lemme know if you get any chunky, OK ?
Alien2
Gets up. Looks around. Picks up a food packet. Then fixes his gaze
on the glowing battery. Wait a cotton picking minute. What’s that ?
Alien1
What’s what ? What you looking at ?
Alien2
What’s that glow ? Over there ? In those mountains ?
Alien3
Could it be ? No ! A flying saucer ?
Alien1
What it could be ? How strange. Mysterious, truly. What could
be glowing like that in the middle of nowhere ? A flying saucer ? Truly ?
You think ? There, over there. Another one. And another.
Alien2
Ancestors. It must be the Ancestors.
Alien3
Ancestors ! Truly. The Ancestors. God be with us.
Alien1
Truly. I am spooked. We must leave this place. Comrades ! Follow
me.
Exeunt .
Scene 8
A farmhouse near Atlanta, Georgia. Two FBI agents are sitting on the
porch, staring into space. It is pitch dark out, lit only by their flashlights. Agent1
I couldn’t find a thing. Nothing.
Agent2
Me neither. Been here for hours.
Agent1
What’s a guy gotta do to get a promotion these days ? Jeeeezzz !
Agent2
In the old days it was so much easier. Just apprehend a Commie and
awaaaaay you go.
Agent3
Offstage. Hang on, hang on. I think I got suppin’. [ pause ]
No. No. I got nuttin’. Walks slowly, dejectedly onstage. Nuclear powered batteries. Nuclear powered batteries. These babies
are too small. Like looking for a needle in a haystack.
All three sit down, facing the audience, place their chins in their hands
and stare into space. Suddenly in the sky we see a pair of lights moving
unpredictably back and forth .
Agent1
They DID say Georgia, right ?
Agent2
Right.
Agent3
Right.
Agent1
Those mothers gotta be here somewhere, no ? Just outside the capital,
didn’t they tell us ? In the hills ? [ pointing ] That IS
Atlanta, isn’t it ?
Agent2
Sure.
Agent3
Oh sure. You betcha. Atlanta, Georgia. The capital.
Agent1
Said we’d spot ’em sure. Near a farmhouse, approximately
20 miles north-northeast of the capital, somewhere in the hills. Just
watch for the glow. Those mothers glow in the dark, right ?
Agent2
Right. Oh right. Right as rain. In the dark, ya can’t miss
the bloody things, they say. But wasn’t that kilometers ? Didn’t
they say 20 kilometers , not miles ?
Agent1
Scratching his head. Kilometers ? Miles ? Does it make a difference ? [ pause ]
So long as we’re near the capital, right ?
Agent3
Well, last I heard, Atlanta’s the capital of Georgia, isn’t
it ?
Agent2
You got that right, brother. Always has been. And Georgia’s
where them damned nuclear powered batteries are supposed to be, isn’t
that so ? We’re supposed to be on the lookout for the batteries AND
the aliens and we haven’t seen hide nor hair of neither.
Agent3
Gets up, turns around, looks skyward. Wait ! I see something. Over there, look up look up. Lights.
Agent1
Looking into the distance. Yeah. I see ’em too. But they’re moving. What on
Earth ?
Agent3
Moving lights. In the sky. Doesn’t look like a plane either.
Look. They’re hovering, moving back and forth.
Agent1
Only one thing it could be, I’d say. Oh my God, oh my God,
the aliens, they’re here, they’re coming down right at us.
Agent2
You mean . . . flying saucers ?
Agent1
What else could it be ? See how the lights speed up, then slow down,
no plane does that. A flying saucer. It’s gotta be. [ pause
] It’s getting closer. Maybe we should run for it. Head for
the hills. [ pause ]
Agent3
No time to run. It’s coming down, coming right at us. [
pause ] Now it’s landing — right over there, by the barn — see,
on the main road by the barn.
Agent2
Are these the aliens ? What do you suppose they want ? Joe, get
out your pistol, cover me, I’m gonna have a look see.
We hear the sound of a motor vehicle approaching and see lights from
its headlights. The sound ceases. We hear an offstage voice. Alien disguised as CIA agent
Excuse me, if you please. May I take permission to ask what is it
that you are doing in this place at such an hour ?
Agent2
Peering into the distance. Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing. [ flashes badge
] We’re FBI. On a secret mission. Posted here in Georgia, just
outside the capital, to look for some very dangerous nuclear powered batteries
and any aliens who might also be on the lookout for the same damned things.
Sorry we can’t fill you in on the details, but this is top secret
stuff, you understand.
Alien disguised as CIA agent Walks onstage. Well, I will be the same as a monkey’s uncle. I heard on the
Fox TV network these very batteries were in Soviet Georgia — formerly
Soviet - in the Caucasus mountains - of Asia. I think that maybe
you have got the wrong Georgia, my friend.
Checks map he his holding in his hands. You do not want Atlanta, no no no. The capital you are looking for
is, wait, now let me look it up . . . Uhhh. Tib - lisi. Tiblisi.
Agent1
Tiblisi, what’s that ? And just who do you think you are,
buddy ? You some kinda alien ? You sure look funny. Sound funny too.
And what is that, uh, vehicle you arrived in ? That some kinda
flying saucer ? Looks to me like you just dropped in outa the sky.
Alien disguised as CIA agent
We are CIA. Honest Injun. This is pretty much our standard type
of disguise in these days. And what we arrived in is a minivan. For sure
it is. Not a flying saucer oh my ha ha ha, certainly not. We were not
in the sky, no never. We drove down on this winding road from the top of
that mountain over there. Do you see it ?
Agent1
Oh, ahhhh, hmmm, well I’ll be, now where did that mountain come
from ? I suppose you’re right. My assistant saw these lights moving
this way and that and he panicked. I guess your headlights were sort of
covered over at certain moments by foliage from the trees up there. And
the winding road made it look like some sort of strange motions in the sky.
Come to think of it I myself was a bit puzzled. But I never panicked, no.
Now that the sun’s coming up I definitely do see it, that mountain,
yes, sure, for sure there it is. Waddya know.
Alien disguised as CIA agent
We got word there were suspicious personages down here in the valley,
possibly aliens, so we decided to have a look and see.
Agent2
Oh really ? Really ? Well, I dunno. Because what we’ve been
told, we’ve been told the aliens have been coming over here disguised
as CIA agents.
Agent3
Yeah, and they have these powers to blend right in and look
and act just like regular folks disguised as aliens. They’re trying
to confuse us, throw us off the scent. Tiblisi, eh ? Never heard of it.
Alien disguised as CIA agent
Well now wait, now look here, Señor, we have badges, take a
look at our badges.
Agent1
We don’t need to see your stinkin’ badges. The aliens
have badges too. Sorry, but we’re gonna have to place you all under
arrest. [ draws a pistol ]
Alien disguised as CIA agent
But you must not do such a thing. You cannot arrest us just because
we look like aliens. That would be ethnic profiling . Don’t
you understand the first thing about protecting the rights of our citizens
and non-citizens and invaders from outer space under the Constitution of
the United States ?
Agent1
Oh. Wait a minute. Gosh. I thought that Constitution stuff just
applied to guns and like that.
Agent2
Profiling. Oh yeah. That could spell trouble, chief. The guy
looks like some alien, for sure. We can’t just go arresting people
that look like aliens. Doesn’t look right. That would be profiling
for sure.
Alien disguised as CIA agent
Well, maybe it is that we should arrest you ? You fellows
don’t look anything like aliens. And you are all white. You are
therefore the fair game, from where it is that I am sitting.
Agent1
OK, OK, just forget it. You’re who you say you are, so are
we. We all know that, don’t we ? No need to get all legal now is
there ?
Alien disguised as CIA agent
No, I suppose not. It is to live and let to live, I always say.
As the FBI agents lower their weapons, he quickly pulls out a kind of
ray gun, and, with one blast, fells all three. And so. That is that.
Calls to companions offstage. All is clear, comrades. Onward, to the small charter aircraft we
have hijacked and sequestered in this farmer’s field. We must now
load it with the high explosives and fly it into the nearest nuclear power
plant. The destruction of our enemies is at hand. What fools these Earthlings
be !
Voice from Offstage
Ahhhh, explosives ? Did you say explosives ? You wanted we should
bring explosives ?
Blackout. Scene 9
Divided stage. On stage right, a cave somewhere in the Steppes of Central
Asia, lit by a single source, a very powerful searchlight protruding from
Agent Orange’s hair. He is speaking into his own cupped hand. On
stage left, Agent Mauve is seated at a desk, in front of a computer, talking
into a cell phone. Agent Orange
Jenny. Jenny, is that you ? Do you read me ?
Agent Mauve
She is almost in tears. Yes, yes, my darling, I can hear you most clearly. Oh thank God,
thank God. Are you all right ? I’ve been worried to distraction.
Agent Orange
Is this a secure connection ?
Agent Mauve
Yes, Randy. Trust me, I took a great many pains to ensure we could
converse in total and complete privacy. You may speak freely. What happened
to you, dear ? The last thing that came through was the sound of you choking.
On some smoke ? How is such an eventuality possible ? I was petrified.
Agent Orange
I don’t understand it myself. I was getting some very interesting
information from the alien leaders and then, out of nowhere, all this
smoke - and it choked me. Shouldn’t have bothered me at
all, but it did. I passed out. When I awoke, they
had me tied up in chains. They were talking a mile a minute, making plans,
all very useful information.
Agent Mauve
But why speak freely, knowing you were right in their midst, that
you’d overhear every statement they uttered.
Agent Orange
Well, obviously, they were gonna kill me - so they could care
less what I heard. But when it came time for them to do me in, they couldn’t.
They tried everything, stabbed me, shot me, even tied me to a tree and shot
a stinger missile right at me. Nothing, not a dent. Finally, when I’d
completely recovered from the strange effects of that smoke, I just used
some of my “hearts and minds” telepathic training, paralyzed their brains,
froze their legs in place, broke the chains, and walked away. But they’d
busted the transmitter. I couldn’t get the damned thing to work.
Until now.
Agent Mauve
Thank goodness you made it out of there with all your faculties intact.
What did you learn ?
Agent Orange
The most interesting part was about the smoke. This smoke -
they called it the “Ancestors.” The ghost of the “Ancestors.” Something
really strange, really ancient, primordial. Certainly far more powerful
than they are. Apparently we’ve been disturbing these Ancestors,
they are angry with us. But it’s clear the Ancestors are not under
the control of the aliens. If they were, these creeps would have had no
need to plan what they’re planning. I think the Ancestors are some
separate entity, something they have some connection with, for sure, but
can’t control. The Ancestors may be angry - but maybe more
in the way a father can be angry with his son. I don’t think these
“ancestors” actually want to destroy us. After all, if they’re the
ancestors, then we’re their descendents, no ? They certainly held
back from destroying me . Maybe they just want to teach us a lesson ?
If only we had some way of getting through to them, learning what their
problem is.
Agent Mauve
But the aliens, don’t forget the aliens. You say they are planning
something.
Agent Orange
Yes of course, the aliens. The bastards are planning a two pronged
attack First they’re gonna hijack a small charter plane, fill it
with high explosives, and fly it into a nuclear power plant.
Agent Mauve
Oh my God, that was just on the news, a charter plane was hijacked
this morning ! Near Atlanta.
Agent Orange
Get a map. Find the nearest nuclear power plant. Warn them ! They’ve
got to blast that thing out of the sky ! And notify the other plants.
Our only long term hope is barrage balloons. They’ve got to deploy
barrage balloons at every important facility, nuclear power plants, chemical
plants, the Capitol, the Pentagon, the White House. It worked for the British
in World War Two, it should work for us now. Tell them !
Agent Mauve
Starts typing at the computer keyboard. Yes, my darling. Shoot it down. And barrage balloons. Of course.
I’ll make sure my secretary gets right on it. What is the nature
of the second threat ?
Agent Orange
Second, they’ve sent a suicide squad to the Caucasus mountains,
in Georgia, near the capital, Tiblisi, where these very dangerous nuclear
powered batterieswere abandoned by the Soviet army afterthecoldwar ended.
They’re planning on constructing some sort of nuclear device from
the uranium in these batteries, to make what’s been called a “dirty
bomb,” something that could spread radiation throughout a major city. We’ve
got to send a team out there to stop them before they can locate these devices.
According to what the aliens were able to learn on the Internet, the things
are apparently located about 20 kilometers north north east of . . .
Agent Mauve
Oh. Well . . . actually . . . we knew about that . . . a team
was sent. But there was some sort of mixup, I’m afraid.
They went to the wrong Georgia.
Agent Orange
They what ? What wrong Georgia ? How many Georgias are there
in the Caucasus ?
Agent Mauve
Well — they went to the Georgia here in the United States. [
gulp ] One of those mixups we’ve been having lately ?
The Chief says it’s all going to be coordinated better when this
new software comes online. Sometime next June — or July ? And these FBI
people, they were all, uh, done away with. At the hand of alien agents,
we think. Something ingenious, some sort of device , like a ray
gun or something.
Agent Orange
Oh my God. The situation is far worse than I thought. OK OK, I’m
thinking I’m thinking. Look ! Get on a secure line to the president
as soon as we’re done with this transmission. Tell him the government
has got to disperse. They’ve all got to get out of Washington, the
President, Vice-President, cabinet, the entire administration, the Senate
the House, the Judiciary, the Pentagon, everyone. There’s no need
for them to be all in one place anyhow, not since the Internet. Have them
return to their home states as quickly as possible. All the business of
government can be conducted via conference calls, email lists and Web forums.
Tell them a nuclear device could go off in Washington at any time. Tell
them . . .
Agent Mauve
Oh my, this is all so disturbing, I feel so very very strange, Randy.
And I miss you SO much ! Can you hold my hand, dear ? You know, that
way you have, that telepathic thing ? I’m feeling very frightened.
You know how much I love you. Can you sense my vibrations, dear ?
Agent Orange
Uh, well, as a matter of fact . . . I can. My spiritual antennae
are extremely . . . sensitive. Those vibrations of yours. They can be
very, uh, powerful. Can you feel my hand in yours, baby ? Can you feel
it ?
Cups his left hand against his right. Agent Mauve
Oh my God ! Yes. Yes, I feel it ! Oh my darling, I love you so much.
I need you so much.
Holding her right hand against her lips and kissing it. Randy. Oh Randy. Randy are you still there ? [pause]
What are you wearing, dear ?
Agent Orange
Just the usual. Sleeveless denim jacket. Olive shirt, olive shorts.
Rockport walking shoes. Fruit of the Loom briefs. I’m sweating.
Just a bit.
Agent Mauve
Sweating ? Oh my God ! Your Fruit of the Looms, the ones I bought
you ? Can I come up on your lap, my darling ? Can you feel me on your lap ?
Agent Orange
Yes ! Yes, I can feel you, touch you. Wow, this is really something.
Agent Mauve
Kiss me. Mmmmmmmm. Again. [pause] I feel so strange.
Miss you so much. [pause] Well, here. Let me take your jacket
off.
Agent Orange, removes his jacket and shirt. I feel something happening. Something strange. Hold me. Tighter.
Oh Randy, I feel soooo strange.
She falls to the floor, still holding the phone to her ear, her body straightens
out, becomes rigid, then arching backward, she begins to writhe in ecstasy.
Agent Orange slowly begins to move his hips, rotate his pelvis. He arches
his back and falls to the floor. Oh my heavens, Randy, Randy, I sense you within me, my darling, hold
me, hold me tight, I can sense - I can sense you exploding within me.
Suddenly there is a tremendous explosion from stage left. The sound
of glass shattering. Agent Mauve’s computer falls to the floor. Did you feel that, darling ? Did you feel it ? The Earth moved !
Blackout.
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L’étranger
 L'étranger est paru. Voir sommaire dans le nº22 de la RAL,M. |